Chapter 32

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Sookie’s POV

If it would not end me too, I would probably kill him for this! Well of course I would never, but it helps me feel better to think it.

Stubborn fucking vampire scaring me to death and making me cry!

“Damn it Eric! If you would have given me a chance to explain none of this would have happened,” I fuss at him, pushing myself out of his arms and turning away.

“Maybe if you had given me some warning before you blasted me with your scent I could have prepared myself,” he answers quietly, the anger is still evident in his voice though. “Regardless, he put your life on the line, Sookie. First he wants to use you as bait for Appius and then he pushes you to test my limits like that. I could have easily drained you dry! I am sick of him acting as if your life is expendable. I will NOT allow him to put you in danger again,” he bites out.

When I do not respond he walks up behind me, stopping at my side, and gently brushes my hair over my shoulder. “You are too precious to me, Sookie. I will end any and all threats that try to take you away from me, no matter who they are. I am sorry you are upset, but I will not apologize for protecting what is most important to me. You are my life, my heart, and my soul,” he whispers against my temple then gently pulls my chin around so I will look up at him. “You are my everything. And even if the bonds would not take me soon after, I would never survive if I were to lose you,” he tells me, blood tears welling in his eyes.

I bury my face into his chest again, pulling in his wonderful scent and letting it comfort me along with his strong arms. He smells like the ocean in winter.

The irony that his smell soothes me is not lost on me however.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper, squeezing him tight.

“Me too, kära en,” he answers back stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head. “Fuck,” he grumbles, stopping his movements and pushing me back. “I’m getting blood all over you again. It’s in your hair too.”

I look down at myself and sure enough there’s a big splotch on the front of my dress. He starts to wipe my cheek where I pressed it to his bloody chest, but his hands are still covered in it too so it’s pointless.

I pull his fingers to my lips and kiss them. “Wait here, I will be right back,” I tell him and pop to my room.

I quickly wave off the dirty dress and put a new one on. With another flick of my wrist my hair is once again clean. Then I get a cloth and dip it in my water pitcher on my dresser before popping back to him.

He is right where I left him, looking as forlorn as a lost puppy. We smile at each other sadly as I start to wash his hands off. As soon as I finish them he takes the cloth from me and softly wipes my face.

“I hate seeing blood on you. It makes me sick at my stomach and I can not even get sick like that anymore,” he tells me, his voice low and pained.

I reach up and stroke his cheek, “I’m not hurt baby, and it washes right off,” I tell him softly, taking the cloth back to clean his face and chest up. He still looks a bit pink, but I get the worst of it off before leaning over and kissing the skin over his heart.

“I love you,” I am barely able choke out.

He pulls me back into his arms and holds me as if I am going to disappear if he lets me go. I feel a tremor run through him followed by a shaky exhale. “I love you,” he whispers back.

Our bond is full of sorrow, fear, and pain and the vast majority of it is coming from Eric. So much has happened to him in the last two days, hell, the last one hundred years more like it.

We keep going from horrible emotions to happy ones and back again. Every time I think I have him settled and comforted something is said or done to set him off. It is fucking Appius again and whatever he did to him the other night. Somehow, someway I have got to get him to talk and I pray he will let me heal him again after he has. If he refuses I may do it anyway. He will have a hard time being mad at me after I have already done it.

I decide Grandfather is just going to have to wait again. I meant for us to talk, but that is just not going to happen, at least for a while anyway. Besides, I am so pissed at him right now I do not even want to look at him.

Without saying a word to Eric, I pop us to my room. It does not startle him at all. He still has me locked in his arms and I truly think he would stay this way forever if I let him.

“Eric baby, let’s go lay down, okay,” I say softly.

Nothing.

Please gods, do not let him shut down on me.

I rub my hands over his smooth back and try again. “Sweetie, I want to lay down with you, please?”

He finally pulls back and looks at me with a hollow look in his eyes, before walking over to the bed and laying down. I wave my dress off and his pants too. I think he will be more comforted if we are skin to skin. I crawl over to him and lay down so I am facing him.

He is just staring into nothingness. My heart feels like it is breaking into a million pieces seeing him this way.

I decide to just hold him for a while and hopefully he will feel like talking soon. Scooting up a bit and turning onto my back I attempt to pull him onto my chest. He quickly figures out what I want and starts to move over to me but he stops suddenly, an angry scowl on his face.

“Eric? What is it?” I ask warily.

He reaches for my upper left arm but does not quite touch me. That is when I look down and see the bruises.

Fuck!! Not this, not right now.

They must be from him grabbing me earlier. I did not think he was rough enough with me to leave any.

“Eric, look at me,” I tell him, trying to pull his face to mine by holding his chin. Of course he refuses to let me.

His eyes keep going back and forth between one arm and the other, his scowl getting darker by the second.

“I’m fine Eric. You did not mean to sweetie. They are just tiny bruises and they will go away in no time, okay? They do not hurt at all,” I tell him trying to soothe his anger.

He rips his wrist open, none too gently I might add, and pushes it to my mouth. “Drink,” he orders me just as I did him earlier.

I decide fighting him is useless so I wrap my mouth over the wounds and take a few swallows, watching him as he watches my bruises fade away.

When his wounds close I kiss his wrist, “Thank you, baby.”

He lays down on his back beside me, his face still dark with anger. “Do not thank me for healing bruises I caused, Sookie,” he forces out through his clinched jaw. “You should be angry that I caused them in the first place and be demanding an apology from me.”

Why, why, why did he have to see them?
I crawl over him, straddling his waist, leaning over and kissing his lips before bracing myself above him to look into his angry eyes. “I am not mad at you, Eric. I know you never meant to hurt me and as soon as you saw them, you gave me your blood to heal them. You had good reason to be upset with me and I was the one that started this mess by not using my brain anyway. We both messed up and we are both sorry. Can we just leave it at that? Please? I do not like seeing you this way, it hurts my heart,” I plead with him.

He opens his mouth and I know the words “I’m sorry” are about to come out of it, so I put a finger to his lips and shush him with a shake of my head.

He sighs and kisses my finger then pulls me down onto his chest. “I hate this too, my love. I do not know what is wrong with me. I can not seem to keep my anger in check,” he says quietly, starting to play with my hair.

“I think I know why,” I whisper.

“You do?” he asks, his hands stilling.

I roll myself off of his chest and prop up beside him so I can see him. “Whatever happened with Appius the other night is eating you up inside. You have to get it out, Eric. Ignoring it is not going to make it go away, baby,” I tell him softly.

Of course he scowls at me again. “I told you I would deal with it, Sookie.”

“But Eric, you are not dealing with it. If you do not want to talk, please let me heal you again. Let me help you, baby,” I beg him, placing my glowing hand over his heart.

He gently takes my wrist and moves my hand away from him. He uses it to push me onto my back and then snuggles into me, his top half covering most of mine. I sigh and run my fingers through his hair and over his back and just wait.
Thankfully I do not have to wait long.

“You do not know who I really am, Sookie. There is a part of me that is evil. When he pushes me the monster inside comes to the surface and I never want you to see or even know of that part of me. The things he has made me do? The things he has done to me? You would run away screaming if you knew of them,” he whispers, his voice rough and shaky.

I hug him as much as I can with the way we are laying. “My love, do you not see that all of that evil is Appius and not you? He made you do those things, you did not choose to do them yourself. And as for what he has done to you, none of it would ever make me see you as less than I do. I blame you for nothing that he has had any hand in. I promise you baby, that whatever he forced you to do, I will not judge you for it. I can feel you Eric and I do know the real you. I know what is in your heart, I can feel it inside me, and there is not an ounce of evil in it,” I promise him.

“Sookie, you….. How can you say I have no evil in my heart after I just tried to kill your Grandfather? I hurt you in the process too,” he says sadly.

“You were angry. Everyone does things they regret when they are angry. That is completely normal. I am not naive, Eric. I realize that vampires have a dark side and can be capable of horrible things, but so can faeries, baby. There is still much about us that you do not know. We too are capable of great evil. There is no telling how many Grandfather has tortured and killed. I would imagine he has ordered the death of twice as many as he ended himself. I have even taken the life of others, not many, but I still did.”

His head pops up and he looks at me with surprise. “You have killed before?” he asks quietly.

“I have. I am not proud of it, but I was trying to save some of my kind, so I did what I had to do. It was either watch my kin die or kill. I decided to live with the guilt of killing instead of the guilt of not saving a life. But baby, I made that choice. No one forced me to kill, I choose to. Whatever he made you do the other night, you did not make that choice. It was made for you. You are carrying so much guilt for things you had no control over. You have to let that go, Eric. You have to accept that you are not to blame for anything that monster has made you do,” I say, trying to make him understand.

He gives me an odd look then slowly lays back down. I go back to playing with his hair and running my fingers over his skin. I hope it is as comforting for him as it is for me.

Finally after what seems like hours he begins to talk, his voice low and strained, “I found them in a camp of travelers. They could not have been more than thirteen or fourteen summers old. Both of them were scrawny, nothing but skin and bones. They pissed themselves as I flew them through the air they were so frightened. I knew when I took them they would probably die, just like most of the others I brought to him had.”

He goes quiet, holding me tighter and I hear him draw in a deep breath before somewhat relaxing again, “I thought after his initial blow up that he was going to let me be. He knew, he knew I had been with you. He felt me as I experienced the pleasure you gave my body. He threatened to make me rape them because I had been with you. He said horrible things about you too. I wanted to rip his head off for speaking about you that way. After a few minutes of threats and humiliation he let me go to my room. It did not last long though. The bastard gets a kick out of making his call as painful as possible. So after I picked myself up off the ground I went to face his next idea of penance for me.”

I have not stopped touching him since he started talking and I have been pushing as much of my love and support to him as I can too. I feel him getting upset again just before he lets me go, sitting up on the side of the bed with his back to me. I want to go hold him so bad. It hurts to look at him with his beautiful body curled in on itself. I can only see his muscular back bent in pain and it takes all my strength not to go to him, but I leave him be. He left my arms for a reason. It is several minutes before his voice slowly cuts through the silence again.

“I tried to fight him when he told me to strip. When I knew what was going to happen, I fought him as hard as I ever have. I wound up on the floor in agony for my efforts. I was forced to……sit there and watch while he……raped one of them. To listen to that boy scream….. and cry out in pain,” he says in a broken whisper.

Tears start to roll down my cheeks and I can no longer sit still as I feel his overwhelming despair flooding our bonds. I crawl over to him and wrap myself around his back, my arms circling his chest and waist. I kiss his smooth skin several times before pressing my cheek against his shoulder. To my relief he does not push me away, instead he puts his arms over mine and pulls me to him tighter. I want to tell him that he can stop, but I know he needs to get this out so I stay quiet.

“When he had enough of abusing the first one he………he made the other one…….he forced him……onto his knees in front of me,” he says with a shudder.

After taking a deep breath he continues, the words tumbling out of him despite his torment, “I tried to fight it. For my sake and the boy’s, but it was no use. He said he would kill me if I did not let the boy……put his…….mouth on me. If I had let him end me you would have died too and I could not let that happen. So I crawled inside myself and went back home until it was over………just like I have hundreds of times before. When it was over he made me……kill them. He made me rip them to shreds….. and I did. The monster he created me to be came out and destroyed them. There was nothing left but blood and flesh covering every inch of the room. When the rage lifted I had him pinned to the ground, but he quickly threw me off of him and into a wall. My leg broke when I fell and he held me down and commanded me to leave. To leave and wait for him to find me. He said if he found us together he would kill you,” he finishes his voice quiet and full of pain. I know that if I looked at his face it would be red with his tears.

My heart fell into my stomach when I grasped what he was forced to endure and now both are threatening to come up through my throat. My silent tears are flooding down my cheeks and onto his back.

He suffered because of me. His hurt and pain are my fault.

If Appius had not felt us together he would have left him alone. He hurt him again, forced those awful things on him, and made him kill all because of me!

I start to cry in earnest when I realize my part in his suffering. I do not want to make this about me, but I can not seem to stop my tears.

He pulls me from behind his back and onto his lap and I scramble to wrap my arms and legs around him so we can be as close as possible. We cling to each other, shaking with the sobs that rack our bodies. I have no idea how long we go on this way, crying and rocking each other, but eventually we wind up laying back on the bed facing one another.

Our hands are constantly touching, or caressing, just trying to give as much comfort as we can. At some point I conjure a wet cloth and clean us up from our tears.

As I finish up his face he takes my hand and brings it to his lips, “Do you….still love me?” he asks in a whisper.

My heart wants to break all over again and fresh tears begin to fall. I pull his face to mine and rest our foreheads together, my hand stroking his hair and cheek, “I will never not love you, Eric. I promised you that no matter what happened I would always love you and I meant every word. If anything, I love you even more. You suffered all of that because of me. For me, for us,” I choke.

He pulls back a worried frown on his face. “No Sookie. Not because of you. None of what happened was even remotely your fault. Only his, and I would suffer much more if I knew it kept you safe,” he tells me softly.

I bury my face into his neck. “I am never going to let you suffer for me again, Eric. Not if I can help it.”

I pull back this time, when I feel him stiffen, and look deep into his eyes. I can see the argument building behind them.

“No, do not argue with me, Eric. We are going to make a promise right now that we will do everything within our power to keep each other safe and protected. I would do anything and everything for you. I would die for you and I know you would do the same for me. But we can not take unnecessary risks or try to do it all by ourselves. We have to do it together. I have to agree to let you protect me and you have to agree to let me protect you. We are one now, we need to act like we are,” I demand gently.

He kisses me gently on the lips and whispers his agreement against them. “I promise to try, min älskare. It will be hard, but I promise to try.”

“I know it will be hard for both of us, but I also know we need too. That and we must begin to trust our bonds. They will not let us hurt each other. They are there to help us, make us closer, and protect us. That is what Grandfather was trying to prove to you. You can not drain me, baby. The bonds will not let you. He knows that if we doubt them or each other that we will never defeat Appius. So we must work on that for all of our sakes, okay? And as for your earlier question please, please, please do not ever doubt that I love you. My heart has been yours since the first moment I laid eyes on you and I will never stop loving you, Eric. Never,” I vow to him.

He whispers, “Thank you,” against my lips before kissing me so sweetly and tenderly I want to cry again.

I keep my tears at bay though and kiss him back, pouring all my love into it. I soon get lost in our kisses and can only focus on him and the quickly raging fire he is building inside of my body.

He has pulled us up so I am sitting in his lap and I may die if he does not bury himself in me soon. My need for him is consuming every part of me. As his lips devour mine, his hands are everywhere, urgently searching my body and leaving no spot untouched. Rubbing, gripping, and squeezing every inch of me until I may fall apart from their touch alone.

“Eric, please? I need you,” I say, gasping and moaning into his mouth.

Looking deep into my eyes and not saying a word he picks me up by my hips and impales me on his cock in one smooth motion.

“Oh goooooods, yes,” I groan, my head and eyes both rolling back.

I faintly hear him sigh, then it turns into a moan. “Look at me kära en,” he demands gently, one hand burying itself in my hair to pull my head up.

I manage to pull my eyes off the back of my skull and bring them to his. I shudder and almost cum just seeing the heat in them. They could melt ice in an instant.

He leans back and props himself on one hand while his other stretches across my stomach so his thumb lands on my clit and starts to circle it. Then he begins to pump his hips up into mine and oh fuck! He is so fucking deep, filling me so full, and hitting that magic spot inside me that makes me want to scream. It is exquisite. I start to rock my hips against his, adding to our pleasure, never taking my eyes off of his.

“You feel so good inside me baby,” I pant.

“Then cum for me lover,” he demands again, this time with a deep growl.

And I do. So hard I see stars.

He grabs me tenderly and lays us down with him on top before I even come down from my high. Bracing himself on his hands, he slowly moves in and out of me as I come back to myself. We just stare at each other, our hearts in our eyes.

If he can not see and feel the depth of love I have for him right now, he never will.

I feel our bonds swell with an overwhelming amount of emotion, so much so that it feels as if we will burst with it. The tears start flowing down my cheeks, and his too, as I raise my hand and place it over his heart.

“Please?” I say in a strangled whisper.

He gives me a small nod of acceptance as another tear slips from his eye.

I choke back a sob, adding a second hand to his heart, and send all my love, along with my light, into him. His whole body tenses as his eyes close and his head falls forward. He lets out a long, deep, shuddering moan that seems to have come from his toes, then he relaxes and begins to move within me again.

I gasp when I feel a new wave of emotions hit me. Immense joy and happiness, and then lots of lust are being pushed into me. I let myself get swept away with them and the physical pleasure he is stirring in me at the same time.

When he looks back up at me, his face is covered with a brilliant smile that I can not help but smile back at.

“I love you,” he says with a happy laugh.

“I love you too, Eric,” I tell him, my laughter joining his.

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